2010 Promises

I've been promised the whole world for 2010
No, I've been promised small steps towards the whole world
I'm smiling at 2010
Hmmm, bliss!

Plain English

I gave you all

You wanted none

I gave you none

You want all

Please do tell me in plain English,

What do you want?

Wife Swap

So they exchange homes for two weeks

Husbands and offspring

Duties and needs

Perchance they exchange their lives

Dinners and chores

Work and pets

But what if the sparks fly

And the ‘sleeping arrangements’ are muddled?

Of unending complaints and so on…

I’ve had enough

You say I’m rough

I’ve had my fill

Of your bitter pill

I give my best

To you, it’s a jest

I give my all

You ask if that’s all

So today I wake up

This hour I wise up

I’m leaving you

‘Cause I can’t please you

Pardon me?

Excuse me?

Did I hear, “Please stay”?

Oh, do tell, I pray

If you see only flaws

If I have only faults

Why should I stick around?

Why should I come around?

5 almost flimsy and petty things that might make me say goodbye to a man

We all know the attributes of a good man; responsible, industrious, street savvy, thrifty, caring etc. But sometimes when women are deciding whether or not to look at a long term relationship with a man or whether or not to kick a man out, certain petty issues are considered along with the important ones named above. My friend Esi Cleland made a podcast recently about top 10 things to look out for in a man and that dealt with the big ‘uns mentioned above! This post deals with the little ’uns. Below are just five of what would be on my (long-ish) list.

1. Books: If a man has no idea, I mean no idea about books that I think every normal human being should have read, well its bye-bye time. For example during a conversation, I ask if he’s read Dilemma of a Ghost, he answers no. Another day, I ask about Pride and Prejudice, no. Okay… To kill a mocking bird, no. Things fall apart, no. (Red flag) Great Expectations, no. Native Son, no. Animal farm, no. Okay I think he should redeem himself right now and tell me what he’s read or what he likes to read, if not, he’s out.
2. Table manners: Nothing puts me off more than a man without table manners. He chews with his mouth open, talks with food in his mouth (Eew, I don’t wanna see your bolus), shoves food down his throat, uses cutlery wrongly, and chews loudly (when he’s not eating carrots… er, can you chew a little louder they cannot quite hear you in Bolivia!). ’Nuff said. Bye-bye.
3. Sense of humor: I like to laugh. So if I’m with a man who can’t laugh at himself and the whole world… well, I’d say goodbye. I don’t think people should take life so seriously. We are here but for a few years. No matter how responsible you are, sometimes laughter is the only way to deal with issues. I generally find men who are humorless incessantly boring.
4. Bathroom habits: All women hate men leaving the toilet seat up and every well brought up man was taught by his Mama to put the seat down. I’d tolerate the occasional forgetfulness but constantly is a no-no. Leaving ‘skid marks’ in the bowl? Once is enough, forget it. Oh, whilst we are in the bathroom, let me add, I don’t see any reason why the toothpaste should be squeezed from the middle of the tube. There is no reason for a grown man to do that. A seven year old can get away with it but not a grown man.(I won’t leave for that alone though)
5. LAFA & Grammar: Of late I see on my feedjit that I have readers from a lot of countries so let me break LAFA down for the non-Ghanaians; it stands for Locally Acquired Foreign Accent. A number of people try to affect the accent of Americans and British, even though they have never lived there, so that they sound ‘cool’ or impressive. For me it is a super duper turn off. No matter how great you are in every other department, it is a put off for me. Period. It reeks of an identity crisis. Saying that, I really appreciate men with a mastery over the English language, as well as their own native tongue. It’s a turn off if a man can’t string a single sentence of English together without taking me back to my class four teacher-Mrs Coker.

PS. I am not an uptight bitch. (Hehehe.)