Who said “white lies” don’t hurt?

He: “Will you come to the party at XYZ club on Saturday?”

Me(shifty eyes): “Er I’m not sure I have to do this thing with my sister at uhm…”

He: “Oh, but can’t you come afterwards?”

Me(scratching neck): “Uhm, it might be late by the time we finish but er, I’ll see what I can do.”

He: “I’d really like you to come.”

Me(stifled sigh + wide smile): “Ok I’ll be there.”

He: “That’s brilliant, will see you then.”

Conversation discarded by Me.

Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday-Morning, afternoon, late afternoon, evening. Lounging. Phone call. Who? He! He? He!

He: “Hey, what’s up? Where are you? Its 10:30pm.”

Me(rush of thoughts): “You won’t believe this, I came but couldn’t find the place. I asked all manner of people but they couldn’t help and because it was late I just came back home…”

Silence. 2 sec. 5 sec. 8…

Me(heart in mouth): Hello? He?

He: Yes?

Me(‘Geez, I’m effed’ thoughts): Did you hear what I just said?

He: “Yeah, I’m just trying to figure out how you took 45mins to dress up, 45 mins to drive over here 30 mins to get lost, another 45 mins to drive back home all before 10:30 for a party that started at 8pm.”

Me(self image dwindled to size of peanut): “Uh, er...I’m not sure”

A new year

Today is my birthday and as I was reading all my birthday wishes, I just started thinking of all the things I would want to have happened or I would aspire to do this next year. I’m gonna list a few here; I hope

I will draw closer to God

I will be generally nicer to people

I will be patient

I will exercise more- at least 4 times a week

I will eat healthier (less chocolate and ice cream)

I will try to control the road rage (Thanks trotro drivers)

I will return phone calls

I will stop procrastinating (Abena take a cue. ;-))

I will study more often

I will give to the poor and/or do some volunteer work

I will keep in touch with friends

I will learn a new language

I will sharpen my knitting, crocheting and sewing skills

I will have at least “50 savvy lovers”!

I hope I would have finished my final year of school by now. Yay!

A year from today, I will let y’all know how I did. Thanks once again to all of those who sent me those lovely messages.

Forget me not

How many times

Have you forgotten

A name

Your keys

Your to-do list

A birthday

And then kicked yourself

Exasperated

Because you forgot

Well, think of it

If you never forgot

Always remembered

Always vivid

Everything you did

All the pain

All the anger

All the vicious words

Others have said

Raw emotions

Flowing tears?

Forgetfulness, a blessing

On this earth.

Learning on the job

Why is there no manual?

No set of instructions

To this life we lead

This love we share

So many mistakes, saved

So much heartache spared

TVs and Microwaves have ‘em

Even tables and lights fixtures

So why not something as large as life

Or as beautiful as love?

Driving

I sat behind the wheel

Remembering all I’d been taught

First time is such a big deal

It shouldn’t come to naught

Rule one is anticipate, Dear,

Or you will fair poorly

You forgot to tell me, Sir,

How do I anticipate folly?

Friends

There are 4 categories of friends people have. (According to me)

Girl friends/Boy friends- Depending on whether you are a guy or girl, you have these. Well sometimes, they are of the opposite sex. They are the friends you have had since you were in nappies. They know everything about you, and yet they still love you. You know their Grandparents and they know yours. They are the first person anyone will call if they couldn’t find you. The closest thing you have to a best friend.

Perpetual Crush- This is the guy/girl that you have never dated but you have a crush on. You probably never dated that person because, you both had partners or your best friend fancied him/her before you did or there is something simply not right about him/her. Even though you fancy this guy/girl you somehow know that you would never date them because if you did, it would never work.

The man/woman- This is the love of your life. You may marry him/her or you may not. But you know that you will always love that person no matter what the person does. If you are fortunate enough to be dating or married to that man/woman, then life’s heaven. (Awww)

The Haters- You tolerate them. You know they hate your guts and/or you hate theirs but for some unspoken reason, you pretend to like each other. (The smiling makes my face hurt) The reason for the hatred is diverse. It could be because they were smarter than you in elementary school, or that you are richer than them, or worse they have the body you have always wanted. Sometimes you don’t like them simply because they talk too much or try to copy everything you do.

Did I miss any?

My bag

Here’s a list of 10 things you will always in my bag or purse.

1. Hand sanitiser

2. Make up bag (mascara, lip gloss, eye liner, pressed powder, little body splash, etc.)

3. Sanitary towel/tampon

4. Tissue (I don’t use hankies. At all)

5. Hand cream

6. Wallet (ATM/Debit Cards, ID Cards, cash, pictures, a special note from 2007;-))

7. Analgesic

8. Diary

9. Nail file

10. Mobile Phone

Ok, I’m at 10 but there are still some things I haven’t put down…

11. Hairpins

12. Safety pins

13. Gum

14. Small notebook

15. Organiser

16. Pen

17. Camera

18. Keys

19. Sunglasses

20. Sweets and/or their wrappers.

No it’s not a huge bag or a mini suitcase! It’s a regular sized ladies bag. I know some of it is pretty weird but who’s not anyway? Those who didn’t know now know.

The Good Wife’s Guide

Here’s an article I found while surfing the net. Some websites are disproving it saying it’s just a spoof by some people aimed at patting ourselves on the back and showing how far we have come. ‘The way we were’ v ‘The way we are’. Other people swear by it and say that it is a real magazine article. A woman in her 70’s says that even if it was not a real magazine article, that was the sentiment in those days so, hell, it might as well be true. Then, I chanced upon a group on Facebook called “Revitalization of traditional gender roles” -because it works. They think this article should be followed (with a few modifications). Read on and I will ask my questions after:

May 13, 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly

THE GOOD WIFE’S GUIDE:

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a list and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through that main area of the house just before your husband arrives.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide immense personal satisfaction.

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, and vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

8. Be happy to see him.

9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity to please him.

10. Listen to him. You have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first--remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his real need to be at home and relax.

12. Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

14. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

15. Arrange the pillows and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.

16. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

17. A good wife knows her place.

Assuming this article was real;

Did women in the 50’s have careers or were they full time homemakers?

Were women in the 50’s happier than women of today?

What was the role of the men in the 50’s?

Will the rate of divorce drastically reduce if women of today followed this guide?

Do men of today really wish this “creed” was followed?

Were men in the 50’s happier than men of today?

Join the dots

What do you do?

When you can’t join the dots

Between the name and the face?

Do you pretend?

Or do you say?

What if you offend?

What will others say?

7 (maybe sad) facts of life

Chocolate and ice cream will make you fat.
Pizza is not a balanced diet (the vegetables on there don’t count).
Vodka and whiskey can make you sing off-tune.
You can never look like Halle Berry or Tyson Beckford.
Fancying someone doesn’t always mean they will fancy you back.
Not fancying someone doesn’t always mean they will stop fancying you.
Sex cannot be categorized as exercise.

Visceral

How do you say
A visceral thought
To a logical man?
Will he appreciate?
Or will he think you
Slightly insane?
The latter is more likely
But the hunch shan’t leave
Till you say.

Maa will always find out...

I was but a mere child, mischievous and impish when Maa gave me a strict warning never to eat alewa*. I had tried tiny bits of it from the other kids in the neighbourhood and I loved it. It was sickly sweet and it kind of popped when you sucked on it real hard and it left your tongue pink! Ah, delightful. I had some pennies from uncles and aunties over last Christmas and I desperately craved the evil sweet. So my brother and I devised a plan- buy and eat the alewa while Maa is at work. By the time she gets home, the telltale pink tongue would be gone and we’d be home dry! Yay! High five! So we skipped to the lady at the junction, purchased our lives savings worth of alewa and gobbled it all down. An uneventful evening passed, then came bath time the next morning. I groggily stepped into the white ceramic bath. Ooh cold! I huddled in the corner while Maa did the ritual ‘sssss’ sound to coax the wee out of my sleepy self. I did wee, only it was a bright PINK! Two sharp smacks to my back jolted me out of my slumber into shrieking reality. I since then gave alewa only a cursory glance anytime I saw it.


*[aláywa] a locally made sweet from sugar and colour. Its long, pink and kind of has tiny bubbles in it like an Aero, but are smaller.

Rain

Monsoon is near
Corn on the cob is here
Rabbits and hedgehogs burrow
Where do homeless children go

Kitty curls on the rug
In my hand is a mug
Ponchos and sweaters us warm to keep
Where do homeless children sleep

Looking for love

They call her promiscuous
A slut
But they take from her
What she’s willing to give
In exchange
For their “kind” words
Their feigned interest
Their false affection
So quick to condemn her
For falling for their deceit
For seeking happiness
For looking for love