Saturday, August 15, 2009

5 almost flimsy and petty things that might make me say goodbye to a man

We all know the attributes of a good man; responsible, industrious, street savvy, thrifty, caring etc. But sometimes when women are deciding whether or not to look at a long term relationship with a man or whether or not to kick a man out, certain petty issues are considered along with the important ones named above. My friend Esi Cleland made a podcast recently about top 10 things to look out for in a man and that dealt with the big ‘uns mentioned above! This post deals with the little ’uns. Below are just five of what would be on my (long-ish) list.

  1. Books: If a man has no idea, I mean no idea about books that I think every normal human being should have read, well its bye-bye time. For example during a conversation, I ask if he’s read Dilemma of a Ghost, he answers no. Another day, I ask about Pride and Prejudice, no. Okay… To kill a mocking bird, no. Things fall apart, no. (Red flag) Great Expectations, no. Native Son, no. Animal farm, no. Okay I think he should redeem himself right now and tell me what he’s read or what he likes to read, if not, he’s out.
  2. Table manners: Nothing puts me off more than a man without table manners. He chews with his mouth open, talks with food in his mouth (Eew, I don’t wanna see your bolus), shoves food down his throat, uses cutlery wrongly, and chews loudly (when he’s not eating carrots… er, can you chew a little louder they cannot quite hear you in Bolivia!). ’Nuff said. Bye-bye.
  3. Sense of humor: I like to laugh. So if I’m with a man who can’t laugh at himself and the whole world… well, I’d say goodbye. I don’t think people should take life so seriously. We are here but for a few years. No matter how responsible you are, sometimes laughter is the only way to deal with issues. I generally find men who are humorless incessantly boring.
  4. Bathroom habits: All women hate men leaving the toilet seat up and every well brought up man was taught by his Mama to put the seat down. I’d tolerate the occasional forgetfulness but constantly is a no-no. Leaving ‘skid marks’ in the bowl? Once is enough, forget it. Oh, whilst we are in the bathroom, let me add, I don’t see any reason why the toothpaste should be squeezed from the middle of the tube. There is no reason for a grown man to do that. A seven year old can get away with it but not a grown man.(I won’t leave for that alone though)
  5. LAFA & Grammar: Of late I see on my feedjit that I have readers from a lot of countries so let me break LAFA down for the non-Ghanaians; it stands for Locally Acquired Foreign Accent. A number of people try to affect the accent of Americans and British, even though they have never lived there, so that they sound ‘cool’ or impressive. For me it is a super duper turn off. No matter how great you are in every other department, it is a put off for me. Period. It reeks of an identity crisis. Saying that, I really appreciate men with a mastery over the English language, as well as their own native tongue. It’s a turn off if a man can’t string a single sentence of English together without taking me back to my class four teacher-Mrs Coker.

PS. I am not an uptight bitch. (Hehehe.)


  1. hahahahaha I love your list especially the 5th one...n i have already sent some men walking due to number 2 and 3. I don't even want to recollect them-total nightmares!

    Lovely post!

  2. Luv-er-ly, K'ba ... i loved myself silly at the Bolivia part.


  3. Ah, Anon, so I'm not alone. The little things matter too. Thank you for your 'reassurance'!

  4. Thanks Golda. Sometimes it is that loud too!;-)

  5. lol... ok you got me to laugh! Uhm the toilet seat part...if it's up, put it down. You don't leave it up after you're done! else, we need to talk!

    As far as grammar is concerned, uhm... we won't even get to "what is your name?" I'll be long gone!...

  6. Ah Maxine, you are scaring me with the 'we need to talk thing'. Was planning on calling you this evening but I won't! Hehehe. But seriously, I see you agree with me on some of these thing, no?

  7. #3..They are both boring and irritating. Life is too short to be walking around this world without an LOL.

    #5.. SO SO SO TRUE... I usually just laugh at them in their faces, because i simply can't help it..its ridiculous, to say the least.

    toilet seat and tooth paste thing..annoying, but i also can't leave a guy jux cos of dat.

    table manners----ewwwww.....

  8. the things women would leave men over. hehehehe...well i would also not talk to a woman, let alone go out with her, if her language is inflected unnecessarily. I hate it. I would prefer good 'Ghanaian' English to such fake inflections. Also, I hate women who pretends not to be able to speak their local language. I love it and as an Africanist I believe in it.

    As for some of the items I hate them but I think they wouldn't let me leave my woman. For instance, I hate people who don't wash the scuds or lather off the wall after bathing and who leaves a lot of 'things' in the bathtub. It gives me bumps.

    I don't like disorderly people. At least everything should be in its approved place.

    With books sometimes I ask them to read. I share with them what I have read and it gets difficult. I also can't stand it if you don't appreciate poetry, because I write and I love to discuss what I write. I also read a lot.

    I also like people who can stand jokes and name-calling when we are happy and have no reason to quarrel and not people who want to sound official every second.

    There are a lot. I thought your list was absurd until I thought through and realised it definitely is not. I had problems with my ex based on many of these though that wasn't the reason why she became an ex.

  9. Great post.
    I am getting to know who I am dealing with on this wall. And I love the fact that you are not an uptight bitch.Hehehe!
    A girl has got to set some rules: not everybody is welcome!

  10. Fair on all the other points but 4.

    I definitely cant stand any person that does any of the other 4 deficiencies. Especially the LAFA.. it just embarrasses me and I cant go anywhere with you so chances are I wouldnt even have to kick you to the kerb since we'll never go out in the first place.

    with the toilet seat, you dont get to find out until you're both living in the same house and with most relationships by then it's too late to leave them for that reason alone.

    By then you have vetted them and like so many other things about them to use only that one thing to judge them. Unless you really are petty.

    The one thing that gets on my nerves is women's insistence that the toilet seat has to be down "because that the way it has to be".

    If you ask me nicely, I will put it down but if you claim it as your right that I have to put the toilet seat down because you are a woman, i might not be so inclined.

    I understand we do things for each other, but when you really think about it, it doesnt make any logical sense to always leave the seat up. I dont complain about always having to lift it up so no reason why you should complain about sometimes putting it down.

    if it's at yours it fine. you rules afterall... if at mine, please dont start with attitude when you ask.

    oh and whatever you do, dont say "why dont you sit down so we dont have to lift it up"


  11. Shels, you will also find that the LAFA is more common than you think. Hell they are all over the radio stations and on our TVs in Ghana. Actors, radio presenters etc. No names necessary.

  12. Nana F, first of all, on all these points as I said in the intro, I won't leave a man over that alone. Its like if I weigh the pros and cons of leaving, these little things might make a difference.
    I'm glad you can identify with some of these points too!

  13. Oh Posekyere, I REALLY am not an uptight bitch! Hehehe. As I said to Nana F, these things would only tip the scale if for instance I was to decide between two men. There, you see?:)

  14. Faf, you got an attitude man! Hahaha. I'm glad I know Efuwa has got a bigger one!
    But seriously, I won't ask a man to sit to pee, thats a little too much. Still I think the toilet seat should be left down, not up...
    Its true that I might only discover in the middle of the night when sleepily set my behind on the cold ceramic...on our honeymoon!
    And I'm glad everybody hates the LAFA, if so, why do we still hear it on TV, in movies and on the radio? Why oh why?

  15. Love it!!! I would also add guys who come on waaaay tooo strong and think that is sexy. I met some decent-seeming guy at a conference last week Wednesday. Within 5 minutes he was asking for hugs and contact details. By Friday, he is telling me all about how we complement each other and belong together. what??!! I know absolutely nothing about him and he has no idea what a freak I am. *LOL* Lovely blog background by the way!

  16. Yeah Abena, I find that irritating to say the least. A hug in mins? I bet he just wanted to feel you boobies. LOL. And they dare say, I love you. Makes me cringe!

  17. @ Kwegyirba: LMAO!! I know right..everywhere...hehe, u jus made my day.

    @Abeana: This one dieh, i have to hear details soon. ps. i'll keep u posted on my trip.

  18. I agree on chewing and books, but you cannot let a good man go because of not putting the seat down. The accent thing, LAFA, I totally agree with you!

  19. Pen Powder, do I sense some guilt with the toilet seat issue?;-)

  20. oh my goodness! Table manners.. that is a deal breaker- most def.. geez.. even my 22 month old cousin could show em a thing or two..

    on the toilet seat issue- I never really thought much about it until a few months ago when I went on a road trip with a friend. We spent a couple of nights at a some male friends' place. Every morning, my friend would yell from the bathroom "Hey! who left the toilet seat up again?" lol..Obvioulsy she never looked before she sat. Seriously though, just as I would love my male friends to remember to put the toilet seat back down when they are at MY place, I wonder if they expect me to put theirs back up when I am over at theirs.

    Oh LAFA.. where do I start? lol..Some people need to get a clue.. my goodness.. it isn't cute or cool.. it is very annoying. And please, try to master the English language before you try "slanging". Oh and is it LAFA when it is acquired within a day of stepping foot "abroad"?

  21. Hahaha, Yram they picked up their accent in a day? So effectively they just erased 25, 26, 27 years of their life with a day? Now thats funny! Even if its three months, its LAFA! My theory is pick it easily, lose it easily.
    As for the toilet seat, the men are saying we should take it easy there...
    Tabe manners, eeew. Need I say more?